From Conflict to Clarity: What My Family’s Inheritance Battle Has Taught Me About Succession Planning
Inheritance is meant to be a gift of continuity. It is a way for one generation’s hard work to be carried forward by the next for future generations. Yet too often, it becomes the spark of painful divisions. For the past eight years, I have lived through this reality. My siblings and I are in court over our family’s inheritance. What was meant to keep us unified instead left me excluded, and I had to seek justice.
Living through this experience has been emotionally draining, financially costly, and deeply disruptive. And while the process is still ongoing, it has also been transformative. It reshaped how I think about succession—not just as a technical or legal issue, but as a deeply human process with lasting consequences for families. That is why today, as a credentialed family enterprise advisor and coach, I help other families avoid the pain mine endures.
The Hidden Costs of Poor Succession Planning
Most families underestimate the toll of poor succession planning. They assume that inheritance will ‘work itself out’, or that a will alone is enough. My experience has shown me otherwise.
The costs are multi-layered:
● Emotional cost: Family fractures are perhaps the most painful outcome. Where there was once closeness, mistrust grows. Silence replaces dialogue, and relationships that took decades to build can be damaged in months.
● Financial cost: Litigation is not only lengthy, it is also expensive. Resources that could be building businesses, funding education, or fueling philanthropy instead get drained in legal battles.
● Reputational cost: For families in business, succession disputes can harm the enterprise itself. Right talent is hard to attract and keep, customers experience the absence of continuity, and opportunities are missed.
In my case, beyond the courtroom, the inheritance dispute also created a personal slump. For years, I struggled to fully focus on my career and life. That is the unspoken price of conflict: it doesn’t just take away money; it consumes energy, potential, and time.
Lessons Learned on the Path from Conflict to Clarity
As I reflect on my journey, I see three lessons that every family—regardless of size, wealth, or geography—can take to heart.
1. Transparency is non-negotiable.One of the root causes of inheritance disputes is exclusion. When family members are left out of discussions, or feel blindsided by decisions, mistrust flourishes. Transparency, even when uncomfortable, prevents suspicion. Open conversations about intentions, assets, and structures may feel difficult in the short term, but they build trust for the long term.
2. Succession is about values, not just assets.Families often focus only on the ‘what’: dividing property, distributing shares, or setting up trusts. But succession is equally about the ‘why’: what values bind the family, what legacy it wants to create, and how wealth is meant to serve both current and future generations. When families anchor succession in shared values, they shift from division to purpose.
3. Conflict prevention is cheaper than conflict resolution.The legal system might resolve disputes, but it rarely heals relationships. Families who invest early in coaching, mediation, governance structures, and facilitated dialogue save themselves years of pain. The time and money spent on prevention are always a fraction of what litigation demands.
The Human Side of Succession
As a CFA charterholder with an MBA from Columbia Business School, I once believed that the technical aspects of succession—wills, trusts, tax planning—were the key. They are important, but they are not enough.
Succession is not just about transferring wealth; it is about preserving relationships and harmony.
This is where my work lies today. Families need advisors who understand both the technical and the human side. They need safe spaces to talk about fears, rivalries, and hopes. They need guidance to design governance systems that work not only on paper but also in practice. And above all, they need empathy. Having lived through succession conflict myself, I approach this work not as an abstract exercise, but as a human journey.
Choosing Legacy Over Litigation
My family’s inheritance battle is still before the courts. The outcome remains uncertain. Yet in many ways, I have already gained clarity. I know now that inheritance disputes are not inevitable. With foresight, transparency, and support, families can avoid them.
When families neglect succession planning, they leave behind more than wealth. They leave behind unresolved tensions that the next generation must carry. But when families choose to plan, to communicate, and to align their wealth with their values, they leave behind harmony. They give the next generation not just assets, but unity.
A Call to Families Everywhere
As I stand at this crossroads—closing one painful chapter while opening another in my professional journey—I carry a simple conviction: no family should have to endure what mine has.
My call is this: if you are part of a family enterprise or a family of wealth, do not postpone conversations about succession.
Do not assume that the documents alone will carry your legacy. Take the time to talk, to plan, and to seek support.
Because ultimately, the legacy you leave is not measured only in shillings or dollars. It is measured in the strength of relationships, the continuity of purpose, and the ability of future generations to thrive together.
Be Bold Consulting & Advisory Ltd, 2025.